Fox Hollow Cottage

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That Damn Depression Thing

by

That Damn Depression Thing

If you are looking for decorating or DIY projects please check [here] for DIY & [here] for decorating inspiration. Today’s post is personal in nature, I thank you for stopping by 🙂

I’ve never been anything but honest with you all and right now, I am in a bit of a funk. Which is my sugar-coated way of saying I’m having a really sucky bout of depression? It’s hard to describe. I’ve got so many wonderful project ideas swirling in my head and great things to be excited about in 2016… but I feel extremely un-focused. And very overwhelmed. And when that happens I pretty much freeze. I kind of withdraw and I have a hard time focusing on work.

Often when I feel this way I pull back and I tend to clean and organize. It calms me and I think I get centered and feel more in control. It’s like I need to re-set and get everything in order before I can snap back.

I know me. And I’m wrestling with guilt that I have a vacation to see my family scheduled and I don’t feel ready for it. This very second I’m considering deleting this… because what value does my telling you I’m struggling right now have to someone coming here looking for decor ideas and DIY projects?

It doesn’t. It has zero.

But it does let you peek inside to see that while most of the time, I am joyful, thankful, full of ideas, smiles, practicing grace… very centered and content… sometimes I am not. Mostly, I keep my depression/anxiety… or whatever you want to label it, in check, but right this minute, it’s not. It’s moved into my head and it’s having a little party. And I’m irritated and angry that it’s rolling over me right now. It’s muddying my ability to focus and to be productive. I hate that I have to claw through it and feel low self-worth because I’m not “on top of everything” or just rocking life in general! When it’s like this, I have to fight to stay out of bed and push through my day. Because I have so much of myself wrapped up in this blog, my baby, I feel immense guilt that instead of having some great new projects to post and share with you while I’m on vacation, I’ve only managed to take care of my daily workload. Simply completing tasks and trying to stay focused is really difficult because I feel like I’m trying to work underwater. What should have taken me 2 days to take down my Christmas decorations and clean my house, took 3. 

I must add, please don’t worry, I’m no harm to myself!! I promise 🙂 I’ve been dealing with this for far to long to let it go there, and I know it will pass. If nothing else, I am a fighter! But while I’m in it, it’s so tiring. Exhausting really. I guess I could have put together some meaningless post with a round-up of this or that… and you’d have been none the wiser. But I can’t. I simply can not. And I’m not a destination blog… or a lifestyle blog and I’ve never presented myself that way! I don’t share how to do everything under the sun, and I’ve never tried to be all things to all people. I’m just me. A girl who started a blog to share. And (over) share I do.

When I first felt compelled to share my story [here], I touched on how strongly I feel talking/venting helps. And I firmly believe it does. So after crying while writing this, which yes, is ridiculous… but there is definitely a release and I feel… better. Enough so that again, I think I should delete this. I won’t though because as much as I want to protect myself (and any perception/persona/reputation???) I think as with my first time sharing, it’s important to address that this is a real struggle. And everyday people battle this. Some daily.

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Right now, I will ride this out, let it run it’s course… and be kind to myself. This episode will fade. I will go see my family, try not to stress, worry and beat myself up. By sharing this, I am trying to give myself permission to do my best, get through the days and know that everything will be okay. If I had a terrible cold or flu and couldn’t work for a week or so, I might be frustrated I was down, but I wouldn’t feel such guilt. I need to do the same thing in this situation. It’s really not all that different. It’s not like I invited depression to my party.

When I get home, my plan is to jump right into my next project. I look forward to sharing them all with you as I mark them off my list!

I am so thankful for you all and want to thank you for reading all that too… I truly consider so many of your friends and I know you are all women (and maybe a few men) much like me. I’ve got lots of girlfriends to chat with and vent too, but I just feel like I need to be honest with you all, and I wanted you to know I’ll be back, but I’m taking a little break right now. I know we all have unique challenges and I know life is not always easy. But it’s always worth living. xo Shannon

PS: I know many of you expressed interest in my closet when I shared it organized and refreshed [click here] and I promise to share how we pretty much created it out of thin air very soon! It’s one of the first projects I will be sharing upon my return.

Comments

  1. Wendy Durnwald says

    Love you Shannon! In reading this, I found some similarities but I guess I didn’t view it as depression or anxiety. It seems to me like there are so many pressures and expectations in this world and I think the Lord has wired us with a “escape” button. It’s like an internal mechanism that’s says “you need a break” and it draws you back in, quiets you, grounds you and restores you before it allows you to go back into the demanding world again. I think it happens to most of us after the holidays, a wedding, or other events that require so much of us. For many years I even took a January sabbatical from everything I could…just to restore my soul. Don’t fight the need to escape for a short time, embrace it and even welcome the season. It will pass, you will return back to the world of expectations but for now…rest.

  2. Laney says

    Wow! Finally someone verbalizes my “down” days. I won’t even let myself do the things that I want to do (like sewing) because I don’t feel like doing the things that I should do; so I just drag thru the day. This to shall pass with some sunshine in Texas. Hang in there; the next day, week or month will get better. A big hug that says I understand.

  3. Barb Hughes says

    Shannon, I’ll be praying for you during this temporary “down time”. I hope you can think of this setback, as you noted, like a virus, that requires time to get through. Truly it IS just that… our brains sometimes take their own “time out” when we get too busy to rest our brains. Some folks deal with this daily and meds are helpful for adjustment. Hang in there… the closet will wait for you. Don’t add remorse to your load of unnecessary “false guilt”.

  4. Adrienne says

    Thanks for sharing. You never know when your story will help someone else today. You are very brave to be this open and I thank you for it. Prayers for you to get well quick.

  5. Kris says

    Not sure if this helps, but you’re not alone, and your post helps others who are struggling with depression. Daily. Seasonally. It’s overwhelming at times, but it passes, as you know. Thanks for sharing this message, at the perfect time it needed to be read & studied. Also, I almost cancelled a family visit right after Christmas, but forced myself to go in spite of the black cloud of depression. Came back refreshed & feeling cared for. So go!

  6. Paige.Rose says

    Ugh depression that dreaded word..everyone experiences it in a different way & what you’re describing is me after the holidays..every year around this time, I hate it!! I sincerely hope you feel better, although I know it’s much more then a feeling in itself. Have fun on your vacation & stay truckin my friend! I appreciate your honesty & how nice you’ve been to me ALWAYS!!

    Paige.Rose
    from
    http://www.TheQuaintSanctuary.blogspot.com

  7. Gayla says

    It is brave and generous of you to share this. Depression very much loves to be a hidden companion struggling against the joy in your life. I know you will win this exhausting fight, but it gets so heavy to do so. Hugs!

  8. Suzi says

    I like you even more now because you just became real and relate~ able to me! Riding it as well, but I kind of noticed this pattern after the holidays especially the older I get. Thank you for being brave enough to share!

    • Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says

      Welcome to the party! lol.
      I know there were so things for me that were hard over Christmas (which is unusual) that I think threw me into this.
      You hold it together then fall apart later.
      A lot of comments are saying after Christmas is hard for them, I never knew that.

  9. Tanya says

    So sorry you are going through this…I too, am a blogger and suffer from depression. I’ve never had the courage to tell my story. I’m sure everyone knows something is wrong by my extreme withdrawal and lack of posting. Thank you so much for sharing. Things always get better 🙂

    • Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says

      Well you hang in there dear and please talk to someone or get help if you need it!!
      I’ve got my hubby who I can let know I’m struggling so he is aware, and that is a big help.
      Hope you get on the upside soon!! xo

  10. alana mcclellan says

    i just want to say thank you so much for sharing and i read a saying that had so much meaning to me i want to share. ‘let whatever you get done today be enough’. ❤️

  11. patsy says

    Don’t feel guilty- I know hearing that doesn’t always help- it certainly doesn’t take it away!
    Just know- I’m going through the exact same thing. I LOVE that you will talk about it. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. It’s not your fault- or mine- or anyone’s fault. Too many people out there suffer alone. Bless you for talking about it. I love this site- and you are inspiring & talented- but your real gift may be that you can share this? It needs to be said & you are such a great example of LIVING.

    I will get through this funk too- long time sufferer myself.
    In the mean time, it is so debilitating. It’s a an absolute struggle, sometimes even minute to minute.
    It’s real.

    JUST KNOW- You are fantastic! You are amazing! You are helping so many people when you are real like this!
    Thank you for being part of the solution- someone who can let other’s know, that with the good times are the occasional bad times,
    and it’s really hard…
    but it’s going to be okay.

  12. Susan berry says

    This could be my post because my struggle is so similar !! I think I have it under control and the oops there it is. The holidays often bring it back to surface. Hoping yours goes away soon because it is no fun for sure!

  13. Anna Starner says

    Sometimes sharing helps, if not you someone else that is also feeling the way you do right now. I know it helps me to know you, that looks so cheerful and put together can have down times. I always get a little depresssed after the holidays. So much hype and boom over. This year I’m having even more trouble functioning. I am tired and achy but, I know what MUST get done and that is all I am doing. Sending prayers your way for renewed energy.

  14. cathy says

    Wow! I am blown away by your honesty and candor. While I certainly have a zillion issues of my own, I am so thankful depression is not one of them. I understand it can be a tough thing to deal with. Your blog is inspiring and fun and full of creative ideas. But I bet part of what makes it so popular is that you are true to yourself and your readers. Even when the truth is not “cute”. Sometimes the perfect worlds of pinterest, IG and blogging can make me feel like I’m not quite cutting it. While your home and ideas are fabulous, one does not come away from your blog feeling “less than”. Instead, I leave your blog feeling inspired and ready to give some of the projects a try. I hope your are back to yourself and feeling good very soon. You are a blessing to all your readers.

    • Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says

      Unfortunately this is not the first time I’ve talked about this… I shared my cancer story and talked about depression and anxiety and thought I was done. This one was a whopper though. There are a few things that I know contributed to it, that are not my story to tell but affect me and that did not help. I know exactly what you are talking about! It can be hard to keep things in perspective with all the “perfect” we see. I am so glad you never leave my blog feeling badly. That would truly make me sad. Thank you so much for joining in the convo and the lovely comment!!!! Shannon

  15. Shelia says

    Oh, honey, it takes a very brave person to tell us this and I’m proud of your for sharing. We all can’t be sweetness and light all of the time. We all have real problems at times. I know your story will minister to someone and that’s a good thing. You go and enjoy your family and you’ll be in my prayers.
    Blessings,
    Shelia 😉

That Damn Depression Thing

That Damn Depression Thing - Living with it and how I didn't plan to spend the first weeks of 2016!
 
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