That Damn Depression Thing
If you are looking for decorating or DIY projects please check [here] for DIY & [here] for decorating inspiration. Today’s post is personal in nature, I thank you for stopping by 🙂
I’ve never been anything but honest with you all and right now, I am in a bit of a funk. Which is my sugar-coated way of saying I’m having a really sucky bout of depression? It’s hard to describe. I’ve got so many wonderful project ideas swirling in my head and great things to be excited about in 2016… but I feel extremely un-focused. And very overwhelmed. And when that happens I pretty much freeze. I kind of withdraw and I have a hard time focusing on work.
Often when I feel this way I pull back and I tend to clean and organize. It calms me and I think I get centered and feel more in control. It’s like I need to re-set and get everything in order before I can snap back.
I know me. And I’m wrestling with guilt that I have a vacation to see my family scheduled and I don’t feel ready for it. This very second I’m considering deleting this… because what value does my telling you I’m struggling right now have to someone coming here looking for decor ideas and DIY projects?
It doesn’t. It has zero.
But it does let you peek inside to see that while most of the time, I am joyful, thankful, full of ideas, smiles, practicing grace… very centered and content… sometimes I am not. Mostly, I keep my depression/anxiety… or whatever you want to label it, in check, but right this minute, it’s not. It’s moved into my head and it’s having a little party. And I’m irritated and angry that it’s rolling over me right now. It’s muddying my ability to focus and to be productive. I hate that I have to claw through it and feel low self-worth because I’m not “on top of everything” or just rocking life in general! When it’s like this, I have to fight to stay out of bed and push through my day. Because I have so much of myself wrapped up in this blog, my baby, I feel immense guilt that instead of having some great new projects to post and share with you while I’m on vacation, I’ve only managed to take care of my daily workload. Simply completing tasks and trying to stay focused is really difficult because I feel like I’m trying to work underwater. What should have taken me 2 days to take down my Christmas decorations and clean my house, took 3.
I must add, please don’t worry, I’m no harm to myself!! I promise 🙂 I’ve been dealing with this for far to long to let it go there, and I know it will pass. If nothing else, I am a fighter! But while I’m in it, it’s so tiring. Exhausting really. I guess I could have put together some meaningless post with a round-up of this or that… and you’d have been none the wiser. But I can’t. I simply can not. And I’m not a destination blog… or a lifestyle blog and I’ve never presented myself that way! I don’t share how to do everything under the sun, and I’ve never tried to be all things to all people. I’m just me. A girl who started a blog to share. And (over) share I do.
When I first felt compelled to share my story [here], I touched on how strongly I feel talking/venting helps. And I firmly believe it does. So after crying while writing this, which yes, is ridiculous… but there is definitely a release and I feel… better. Enough so that again, I think I should delete this. I won’t though because as much as I want to protect myself (and any perception/persona/reputation???) I think as with my first time sharing, it’s important to address that this is a real struggle. And everyday people battle this. Some daily.
Right now, I will ride this out, let it run it’s course… and be kind to myself. This episode will fade. I will go see my family, try not to stress, worry and beat myself up. By sharing this, I am trying to give myself permission to do my best, get through the days and know that everything will be okay. If I had a terrible cold or flu and couldn’t work for a week or so, I might be frustrated I was down, but I wouldn’t feel such guilt. I need to do the same thing in this situation. It’s really not all that different. It’s not like I invited depression to my party.
When I get home, my plan is to jump right into my next project. I look forward to sharing them all with you as I mark them off my list!
I am so thankful for you all and want to thank you for reading all that too… I truly consider so many of your friends and I know you are all women (and maybe a few men) much like me. I’ve got lots of girlfriends to chat with and vent too, but I just feel like I need to be honest with you all, and I wanted you to know I’ll be back, but I’m taking a little break right now. I know we all have unique challenges and I know life is not always easy. But it’s always worth living. xo Shannon
PS: I know many of you expressed interest in my closet when I shared it organized and refreshed [click here] and I promise to share how we pretty much created it out of thin air very soon! It’s one of the first projects I will be sharing upon my return.
Christianne says
Thank you for sharing such a personal battle. It’s when we try to handle depression on our own that it can really rob us of our joy for a lot longer than it otherwise would. Take time to heal and I encourage you to let the ones you love help! It’s only temporary as it sounds like you know from experience. It will be okay! Enjoy your vacation and I look forward to hearing what you have for us when you are ready to jump back in.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
So true. I’m always vocal with my husband and tell him what is going on, it sometimes stops it right there, but if not at least he know what is going on and does not have to guess. I’m lucky to have a wonderful support system.
Tiffany Hull says
I appreciate the realness of where you are at this moment. I am always amazed what a hearty bout of crying can do for my funk, it is somewhat of a release. Sadly I know a lot of women (me included) that dive deep into a fog of depression after Christmas. As I thank you for your honesty I sit staring at the blank walls of my daughter’s room which I know I need to adorn with pictures and art, but have no drive to. Praying that this goes away quickly for you! Enjoy your weekend and upcoming vacation, it might surprise you and bring a bounty of joy and peace!!
Tiffany
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
And thank God this moment will pass, as it will for you. I can feel for you though, how that is bothering you and you can get fixated on something that really does not mater. Not really. It’ll come when it does and there is not need to force it. I’m sure she’d rather have time with you 🙂
Blessings, Shannon
Peggy says
Everyone needs a break from their everyday responsibilities. Take the vacation, no guilt. We will be looking forward to your return. Refresh your mind. We care.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you Peggy 🙂 !!
Heartfeltwhimsies says
Shannon,
I thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. It is so important that we all talk about this. I have loved ones who live with depression and it helps me to hear you describe your feelings so I might better understand them. Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
hello dear.
I’m glad if I could shed some light.
thank you for your kind words & prayers.
I know this will pass 🙂
Joanna says
God Bless you. Thank you for your sweet blog that brightens my day. I must say, the art on this post that says “Be kind to yourself” is still such a foreign concept to me that it stopped me in my track this morning. I won’t post my story here but I wan’t taught that little piece of information!!! It’s sort of a new habit to learn for some of us….weird. Sad.I learned BE RESPONSABLE . Gosh Im tired 🙂
Take your time, please and thank you for what you share.
Joanna
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
EVERYONE deserves kindness and we can not continually beat ourselves up, it has to come from inside as well.
So, please speak kindly to and of yourself.
It’s something I have to practice too.
Mari says
Shannon you will be in my prayers. And thank you for blessing us with your fox hollow cottage blog.God bless you
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
thank you and blessings to you as well!! xo
Kim T says
Shannon, Thanks so much for sharing. You are not a blog you are a normal, wonderful, feeling person. I suffer with this also but I just call it….well…nothing…I feel this way alot but I just keep going and eventually it passes. I try to tell myself that even though I am barely doing my regular household stuff it is fine and I need to give myself a break and stop worrying. Who says we have to be superwoman? Do the stuff that makes you feel calm and secure with no guilt. I don’t think it is too much to ask for yourself. We all need and deserve some ME time. We are human. You are doing great so no worries! Enjoy but we’ll miss you and I look forward to your next post whenever that is.
Take care,
Kim
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Whew. Saved this one from my spam. (no idea on that one)
Exactly. I am doing what I absolutely have to, and pushing for the other stuff like taking down my Christmas.
I keep plugging along but the ideas in my head will stay put until I can draw them out 🙂
Dang, I’m not superwoman. hehe
Happy New Year.
Mine will start in February.
MarySue says
You take as much time as you need. NO GUILT! I will wait patiently for you. Brave woman.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you.
Very much 🙂
Blessings, Shannon
Pat says
Thank you for sharing these very personal feelings. I have them,too and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
You most definitely are not alone.
I hope you are well and happy today!
I will be much better soon, it always passes 🙂
Janice says
Shannon, thank you for sharing. You are an incredible woman that lives her life with all the ups and downs. Please know that I am praying for you and know that this will pass! Hang in there, girl!!!! One step at a time!!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you, it’s very much appreciated!
Debbie @ Refresh Restyle says
I have been battling the last 3 weeks. I watch my sisters children try to celebrate without her and I feel guilty for the time I have with my own children and grandchildren. Christmas decor is still lingering, the house is a mess, ideas in my head and all I want to do is go back to bed. My daughter’s best friend passed away on New Year’s day, I worry about her dealing with it and not having her in her life on top of being freshly divorced. It’s very hard. I pray things get better for you.
Enjoy your family and the time away. I think I need a vacay!
Love you,
Debbie
Karen @ The Decorated Nest says
Aww Shannon, I know your struggle so well. Be kind to yourself like you say. Guilt is the hardest part. And the focus issue is the worst– add that to the exhaustion and it’s a nightmare. take the time you need–we will all be here xoxo
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
yep, all those darn things!
thank you. xo
Bliss says
I know people who can’t talk about it, they haven’t gotten to that point, be it on a blog or just to the person sitting next to them. I’ll be thinking about you. Enjoy that sunny Southern California sunshine. While you are tooling around think of a young brunette driving around there with the wind in her hair who had the world at her feet in those days.
Mary Beth says
I could have wrote this! Yep..
Ya gotta hang in there. This too will pass. My calming thing is cooking and baking. Then I get back on track. We all suffer a little derailment now and then. The important thing is acknowledging it and then apply all or tools to move forward. Obviously everyone that suffers from deppression or anxiety suffers in different degrees. So being aware is the key.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
So very true, there are degrees.
Mine is not bad enough (for me) to take medication.
I put my chin down and shoulder into the storm.
It passes. Just not fun while in it.
Awareness is everything, I swear it removes much of the power!!
Kathie says
God bless you.. Takes courage and REAL courage to write how you feel
and what you are experiencing. Everyday isn’t always PERFECT.
I know Seasonal Change can affect many people.. Seasonal Depression is Real for many.
I will say a Prayer for you..
BIG HUGS..
Blessings to you & your Family.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you.
THANK YOU.
Blessings to you as well.
Shannon