That Damn Depression Thing
If you are looking for decorating or DIY projects please check [here] for DIY & [here] for decorating inspiration. Today’s post is personal in nature, I thank you for stopping by 🙂
I’ve never been anything but honest with you all and right now, I am in a bit of a funk. Which is my sugar-coated way of saying I’m having a really sucky bout of depression? It’s hard to describe. I’ve got so many wonderful project ideas swirling in my head and great things to be excited about in 2016… but I feel extremely un-focused. And very overwhelmed. And when that happens I pretty much freeze. I kind of withdraw and I have a hard time focusing on work.
Often when I feel this way I pull back and I tend to clean and organize. It calms me and I think I get centered and feel more in control. It’s like I need to re-set and get everything in order before I can snap back.
I know me. And I’m wrestling with guilt that I have a vacation to see my family scheduled and I don’t feel ready for it. This very second I’m considering deleting this… because what value does my telling you I’m struggling right now have to someone coming here looking for decor ideas and DIY projects?
It doesn’t. It has zero.
But it does let you peek inside to see that while most of the time, I am joyful, thankful, full of ideas, smiles, practicing grace… very centered and content… sometimes I am not. Mostly, I keep my depression/anxiety… or whatever you want to label it, in check, but right this minute, it’s not. It’s moved into my head and it’s having a little party. And I’m irritated and angry that it’s rolling over me right now. It’s muddying my ability to focus and to be productive. I hate that I have to claw through it and feel low self-worth because I’m not “on top of everything” or just rocking life in general! When it’s like this, I have to fight to stay out of bed and push through my day. Because I have so much of myself wrapped up in this blog, my baby, I feel immense guilt that instead of having some great new projects to post and share with you while I’m on vacation, I’ve only managed to take care of my daily workload. Simply completing tasks and trying to stay focused is really difficult because I feel like I’m trying to work underwater. What should have taken me 2 days to take down my Christmas decorations and clean my house, took 3.
I must add, please don’t worry, I’m no harm to myself!! I promise 🙂 I’ve been dealing with this for far to long to let it go there, and I know it will pass. If nothing else, I am a fighter! But while I’m in it, it’s so tiring. Exhausting really. I guess I could have put together some meaningless post with a round-up of this or that… and you’d have been none the wiser. But I can’t. I simply can not. And I’m not a destination blog… or a lifestyle blog and I’ve never presented myself that way! I don’t share how to do everything under the sun, and I’ve never tried to be all things to all people. I’m just me. A girl who started a blog to share. And (over) share I do.
When I first felt compelled to share my story [here], I touched on how strongly I feel talking/venting helps. And I firmly believe it does. So after crying while writing this, which yes, is ridiculous… but there is definitely a release and I feel… better. Enough so that again, I think I should delete this. I won’t though because as much as I want to protect myself (and any perception/persona/reputation???) I think as with my first time sharing, it’s important to address that this is a real struggle. And everyday people battle this. Some daily.
Right now, I will ride this out, let it run it’s course… and be kind to myself. This episode will fade. I will go see my family, try not to stress, worry and beat myself up. By sharing this, I am trying to give myself permission to do my best, get through the days and know that everything will be okay. If I had a terrible cold or flu and couldn’t work for a week or so, I might be frustrated I was down, but I wouldn’t feel such guilt. I need to do the same thing in this situation. It’s really not all that different. It’s not like I invited depression to my party.
When I get home, my plan is to jump right into my next project. I look forward to sharing them all with you as I mark them off my list!
I am so thankful for you all and want to thank you for reading all that too… I truly consider so many of your friends and I know you are all women (and maybe a few men) much like me. I’ve got lots of girlfriends to chat with and vent too, but I just feel like I need to be honest with you all, and I wanted you to know I’ll be back, but I’m taking a little break right now. I know we all have unique challenges and I know life is not always easy. But it’s always worth living. xo Shannon
PS: I know many of you expressed interest in my closet when I shared it organized and refreshed [click here] and I promise to share how we pretty much created it out of thin air very soon! It’s one of the first projects I will be sharing upon my return.
Cheryl says
I do hope you get out of your funk soon but as a person that goes through the same thing you have to let it run it’s course. Glad you didn’t delete this because maybe it will help someone who is reading this an know that it is ok to feel this way and to ride it out! Good luck and my prayers are with you.
Helen says
At one time, cancer was a hush-hush topic. Even people who had it were sometimes not told by their doctors and relatives that they had the disease. The words breast, ovaries, and cervix was not said in a public setting. We are past that now, and I hope the same thing will happen with mental illness. It’s a disease just like heart disease or diabetes. Your speaking may help others to speak and get past the guilt and stigma associated with depression. I hope you are receiving good medical counsel and any medications that may prove beneficial to you. I send healing thoughts for you.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Maybe because I’ve had that too, I figure what the heck? lol. When I shared about my cancer and everything, I didn’t expect to write about it again, but I felt compelled too. I’m safe from any self harm. I just ride it out and soldier through on stubbornness 🙂
Thank you!!
Martyna says
Dear Shannon. Although I have been frequenting your blog for some time now, I only subscribed today (why so late!) and I promise to be a more regular visitor. The story you shared above is so similar to my own… I went through a bout of depression myself, about two months ago. It was very new to me — I’ve never been the optimistic or merry type, but I’ve never been so down either. I did think of harming myself and that was a real red light in my head — I told my husband about everything, I began therapy. Without going into details, I believe my depression stemmed from too much work and too little rest. It’s funny how people associate depression with poverty, unemployment and sickness. It touches the rich, the famous, the self-employed and prosperous… The more you have, the more you can lose and the more responsible you are (or at least you feel you are). The aim of my therapy is to get me used to living with the feeling of uncertainty and anxiety in my head. It’s impossible to control everything (which is what my brain is trying to tell me — that I should have a plan B for everything, three months in advance).
I admire you greatly for all your DIY ideas and the courage to share this with us worldwide — I have no imagination whatsoever (I’m a good recreator, just not an inventor) and your projects are all the more interesting and brilliant to me! I’ve tried some of them myself, I just wish I had a spare room to set up a real workshop 🙂
I wish you and your loved ones all the best in the New Year — I hope you are better soon. Don’t feel guilty about not wanting to do things — take as much time as you need, even though it may all look very bleak and hopeless right now.
Hugs and kisses from Poland.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Hello Poland 🙂 I am SO glad you recognized that and got help. I can imagine that would be a catalyst. I’m hoping you are feeling better now. I really can relate to so much of what you are saying. And yes, the anxiety can be crippling. I think I am actually more prone to that, than the actual depression now, but no mater what label it carries, it’s all hard. Wishing you a happy 2016 and I hope you continue to fight back and thrive!!
Deborah says
Just know that there are a lot of us that are struggling too. I’ve feel depressed lately with anxiety and guilt and can relate to how you feel. Sometimes it’s hard to get through the day but you just keep pressing on and know that the depressed feeling you have will lessen soon.
You will be in my prayers!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
I know there are, which I wish wasn’t true. Thank gosh it lightens up right? Mine comes in waves a few times a year. There were some catalysts this time and I should not be surprised at all, but it will pass. Blessings. Shannon
Judy Lincicum says
Hi Shannon, dear sweet Shannon, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have suffered from depression all my life. It’s more like a tiring battle that saps your strength each time it rears it’s ugly head, but like you said, you get over it. You struggle through, and you get through it. Mine started right after Christmas and has yet to go away, but I will say, it has lightened up a bit. No one who understands this struggle would expect you to do anything other than what you are able. There is no use trying to force yourself to DO anything because, as you said, you just freeze. It’s a self-preservation thing, I feel. But at the same time, its not a choice for me to decide to freeze, I just can’t move backwards or forwards. I just have to accept it and be resolved to wait it out and not fight it. I think the most difficult part is the push to be social for family;s sake. This you can do out of love but it never seems natural, it always seems forced, and I don’t like that. I wish there were a pill we could take and just be over it, and then get on with our lives. I do take anti-depressants, but all they do is take the edge off. They don’t keep the depression away. I’m so sorry for this fire you are having to walk through. I do think you have taken the best road, one of honesty and just putting it out there. Maybe this subject doesn’t have anything to do with home decor, but it does have everything to do with life, and that’s all we are trying to do is enjoy our life to the fullest. God has been so good to me, and blessed me in so many ways. I can see that He has blessed you too, but I won’t be putting any pat comments out there or quote scripture, because at times like this, I don’t believe He would want me to. Sometimes it can be discouraging if you don’t think your faith is strong enough to withstand the promises, but it’s just how the depression makes you feel. Inadequate. You are such a cute, bubbly person with an amazing attitude and I just hate to see this ugly malady take that away from you, even temporarily. It’s just so unfair. But I do want you to know that you are loved and there are plenty of us that walk through the same fire and understand what you are going through. Chin up, girlfriend, brighter days are just around the corner!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Yes they are, and I wish so meany people didn’t know “just how I feel” lol. Because that is sucky. THANK YOU for taking the time to talk with me and leave such a wonderful, heartfelt comment. I know it’ll pass, I’m just hunkering down until it does. Thanks again, Shannon
Doreen @ Hymns and Verses says
Hey girlfriend! You are not alone! This time of year I always get in a funk like this and this week I had a day where I was in and out of bed snuggling with my kitty cat – feeling so frustrated that I wasn’t working and making something fabulous! I also find that if my house is cluttered or needs cleaning, it makes me worse! I just have to take a time out to get my house in order! This week I intentionally took time to visit with friends and take a meal to a new mom and dad and that was a spirit lifter (even though I did feel guilty because I wasn’t working as much on the blog). So, all this to say – you aren’t alone friend! Go, take a break, visit with your family and don’t feel guilty about the blog! Your readers love you and will be here when you get back! If you ever need a post, I’d love to help you out!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Doreen that sounds so much like me. I actually love to clean & organize, but when I’m like this, something about the re-order and the working through to purge, etc… must calm something inside me because I want to fix everything. lol. Or you know, do nothing. And the guilt is so real. That is the crusher. It’s that internal battle to do everything and the practical side that is telling you it’s okay, that you need this time and to just do your best. I think my 2016 will start in February, when this is over. lol. HUGS!!!!!
SUZANNE GROOM says
Women are slightly super human – we take on so much especially at Christmas that it’s no wonder you’re left with no energy to consider starting a project. I feel just the same so it’s nice to know you’re not the only one and believe me I bet there are a lot of women out there, who spend the lives, supporting, caring, creating you can’t be all things to all people. So take your own advice, be kind to yourself, applaud what you have achieved over the last year and know that when you’re ready you’ll go again. Don’t think we expect you to be perfect every minute of the day, we want you to be like us that’s why we follow you.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
I am so disappointingly normal. No super girl here 😉 I think I decided during typing my response the the last comment that I’d start my 2016 in February. lol
Thank you for joining in the conversation!! Shannon
Maureen says
I could have written this, I am feeling exactly the same as you. Different reasons but I too have struggled with this depression and anxiety for way too long. I am waiting for this to pass and hope it happens soon.
Thank you for putting the words so eloquently.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Hugs Maureen!! I hope it passes soon too. I usually follow my own advice to get over the hump, but with leaving to travel and some extra outside influences I was unable to shake this one as easily as I’ve been able to before. But we will hang in there and it WILL pass. Blessings, Shannon
Donna Good says
Thanks for being so honest and human.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
🙂 thank you.
Barbara says
Shannon,
Please know that you are not alone. My husband’s family has a lot of anxiety/depression among its members and my granddaughter is included. My sister-in-law has it badly, as does her brother and now 2 nieces. They are on medication and my granddaughter sees a counselor. Depression be damned, but it is REAL. Keep up the good fight. I know it’s tiring but you will come out on top.
Prayerfully…..
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
I am thankful for so very many things, one is my amazing husband and supportive friends and family.
Thank you, and blessings to you as well!
Teri Smith says
You already have taken the first step to recovery and that is writing about how you feel. Good for you! We all have good days and bad and no one is perfect. We will all be here when you get back. So take a deep breath, look around at what you have and take one step at a time. We will see you soon.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
So true. I really believe wholeheartedly that getting things out, helps! Plus, my guilt at not posting was bothering me and I knew I needed to address it. Now I will start fresh when I can 🙂
Tammy says
Oh Shannon I feel you!! I deal with anxiety and worry on and off (maybe a bit of depression as well). And yes! It makes me feel so guilt ridden too! I like how you put that into perspective for me because I’ve never really thought of it that way. When I get into a funk I tend to withdraw as well. I’m glad you didn’t delete this post as I’ve learned something very valuable from it! Thank you and I hope you know I think you are so awesome and am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Hi Tammy, I have been a worrier since forever. When I was little I worried about everything. I still worry but it’s more manageable. I’d almost say it’s more about anxiety than depression now. I may have mislabeled this. I think stepping back is a defense mechanism to be able to cope. Like if I thought I could get away with it, I would not go on vacation. But that is not rationality speaking, it’s the anxiety. So I will make myself go. And I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Audrey Al-Hinai says
May God say unto you “Peace! Be still”!!!! Weather it is to the storm that rages or to your heart till the storm is over……. Then fill you with Joy, Hope and Love till your cup RUNNETH over again………
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you so much, that was perfect and lovely!!!!
Mary says
Take care of you and we’ll be here when you feel better. I struggle with anxiety and have good and bad days too. Remember, it’s a chemical imbalance and real. Just like you would slow down when you’re physically ill, you need to do the same. Everything can wait and all your projects will still be there when you’re ready. Hugs!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Exactly. I just sort of hit myself over the head with that one. Likening it to having the flu.
I wonder if that is where the term “mental health day” came from 😉
Angie @Postcards from the Ridge says
Hang in there, girl. We all go through this at times. At least I do. And don’t be so hard on yourself. Take a walk, read a book, eat some ice cream, take some time off, or whatever you need. Nobody is going to judge you for it. Enjoy your family time and don’t worry about the blog. It will be here when you get back. And so will all of your readers. Sending good vibes your way. ?
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
THANK YOU!!
xoxo
Shannon