That Damn Depression Thing
If you are looking for decorating or DIY projects please check [here] for DIY & [here] for decorating inspiration. Today’s post is personal in nature, I thank you for stopping by 🙂
I’ve never been anything but honest with you all and right now, I am in a bit of a funk. Which is my sugar-coated way of saying I’m having a really sucky bout of depression? It’s hard to describe. I’ve got so many wonderful project ideas swirling in my head and great things to be excited about in 2016… but I feel extremely un-focused. And very overwhelmed. And when that happens I pretty much freeze. I kind of withdraw and I have a hard time focusing on work.
Often when I feel this way I pull back and I tend to clean and organize. It calms me and I think I get centered and feel more in control. It’s like I need to re-set and get everything in order before I can snap back.
I know me. And I’m wrestling with guilt that I have a vacation to see my family scheduled and I don’t feel ready for it. This very second I’m considering deleting this… because what value does my telling you I’m struggling right now have to someone coming here looking for decor ideas and DIY projects?
It doesn’t. It has zero.
But it does let you peek inside to see that while most of the time, I am joyful, thankful, full of ideas, smiles, practicing grace… very centered and content… sometimes I am not. Mostly, I keep my depression/anxiety… or whatever you want to label it, in check, but right this minute, it’s not. It’s moved into my head and it’s having a little party. And I’m irritated and angry that it’s rolling over me right now. It’s muddying my ability to focus and to be productive. I hate that I have to claw through it and feel low self-worth because I’m not “on top of everything” or just rocking life in general! When it’s like this, I have to fight to stay out of bed and push through my day. Because I have so much of myself wrapped up in this blog, my baby, I feel immense guilt that instead of having some great new projects to post and share with you while I’m on vacation, I’ve only managed to take care of my daily workload. Simply completing tasks and trying to stay focused is really difficult because I feel like I’m trying to work underwater. What should have taken me 2 days to take down my Christmas decorations and clean my house, took 3.
I must add, please don’t worry, I’m no harm to myself!! I promise 🙂 I’ve been dealing with this for far to long to let it go there, and I know it will pass. If nothing else, I am a fighter! But while I’m in it, it’s so tiring. Exhausting really. I guess I could have put together some meaningless post with a round-up of this or that… and you’d have been none the wiser. But I can’t. I simply can not. And I’m not a destination blog… or a lifestyle blog and I’ve never presented myself that way! I don’t share how to do everything under the sun, and I’ve never tried to be all things to all people. I’m just me. A girl who started a blog to share. And (over) share I do.
When I first felt compelled to share my story [here], I touched on how strongly I feel talking/venting helps. And I firmly believe it does. So after crying while writing this, which yes, is ridiculous… but there is definitely a release and I feel… better. Enough so that again, I think I should delete this. I won’t though because as much as I want to protect myself (and any perception/persona/reputation???) I think as with my first time sharing, it’s important to address that this is a real struggle. And everyday people battle this. Some daily.
Right now, I will ride this out, let it run it’s course… and be kind to myself. This episode will fade. I will go see my family, try not to stress, worry and beat myself up. By sharing this, I am trying to give myself permission to do my best, get through the days and know that everything will be okay. If I had a terrible cold or flu and couldn’t work for a week or so, I might be frustrated I was down, but I wouldn’t feel such guilt. I need to do the same thing in this situation. It’s really not all that different. It’s not like I invited depression to my party.
When I get home, my plan is to jump right into my next project. I look forward to sharing them all with you as I mark them off my list!
I am so thankful for you all and want to thank you for reading all that too… I truly consider so many of your friends and I know you are all women (and maybe a few men) much like me. I’ve got lots of girlfriends to chat with and vent too, but I just feel like I need to be honest with you all, and I wanted you to know I’ll be back, but I’m taking a little break right now. I know we all have unique challenges and I know life is not always easy. But it’s always worth living. xo Shannon
PS: I know many of you expressed interest in my closet when I shared it organized and refreshed [click here] and I promise to share how we pretty much created it out of thin air very soon! It’s one of the first projects I will be sharing upon my return.
Treva says
Oh my, depression is just maddening! I think if people could just see a mark on us or something like they see on physically ill so they could understand that depression is a horrible illness. Many people just don’t understand and I believe that makes those that suffer from this demon suffer more.
Talking about feelings you are having and being heard by people that understand I believe is a great step to pulling yourself up to much brighter days!
I will have you in my prayers and please know that prayers are heard.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
I’ve heard from more and more people that they are glad I share about this, because it makes them feel less alone. Sadly there are many of us, but there are ways to cope. I’m not immune and some bouts are worse that others, but on the whole, I am happy… and I fight back hard! :)))
DonnaMarie says
Shannon – I too have days when I feel sad and stuck in a funk. I look around at all my bessings and wonder why I feel this way, but I do. I want to let you know that often when I am sad and stuck, I click on Fox Hollow Cottage for ideas and inspiration to help move onto my next project. So, dear lady, you are an inspiration to others!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Donna Marie, you sure made me smile!! And I’m glad to know I can do the same for you.
Thank you for the wonderful message. Shannon
Peg, aka LadyLisetta says
Shannon, know that you’re not alone in this. I too suffer from bouts of depression exactly like you wrote in your post. It’s hard, and also like you, I get exhausted, I know what is going on and I never EVER want to harm myself. Having a loving, supportive husband and family gets me through. I have to do what’s already been said, “Be kind to myself,” “Take care of myself,” and I have to remember, “This too shall pass.” Sending hugs and prayers for you.
Peg
aka @LadyLisetta (just about everywhere)
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Isn’t it nice to know we are not alone? Almost makes it easier knowing lots of other people deal and live with it and manage 🙂
I’m glad you too have support! It makes such a wonderful difference 🙂
Best!! Shannon
Donna T. says
This is from the Brave girls club:
Your daily truth from the Brave Girls Club
Dear Unmatchable Girl,
Today it is time for you to be kind…to yourself.
You are the only one who knows the parts of you that need kindness the most, and for this reason, only you can provide this kind of deep kindness that you so need.
Try to be kind to the weak parts of yourself. Be kind to your addictions and your frailties, your mistakes and all of your human parts. Rather than treating these parts of yourself with hatred and disgust, please just take hands with these parts and say, “I am with you, we will make it through this.”
Just try, sweetest girl — just try. BE KIND to ALL of you. Let her know that it’s gonna be ok, that you are gonna love her no matter what as she works through all of this.
You are so deeply loved.
********************************
(Thought this might help a wee bit…
Fondly your follower,
Donna T. )
Pinterest @ Donna T.
Ladydbug1208
Shannon Fox says
I’ve never read that. Thank you. Very wise words 🙂
Have a wonderful weekend, Shannon
Sandy says
I love this! So very true to be kind of all the aspects of ourselves. Having struggled with depression and anxiety of a big part of my life, these are very wise words.
Lisa says
I know exactly how you feel. I fight anxiety and depression all the time.
Shannon Fox says
It sure is not fun!
Hang in there 🙂
Shirley@Housepitality Designs says
Shannon, you are so brave to tell your story of your struggles with Depression. I applaud you on your sharing this story that may help others too. I have heard from so many others that after the Christmas frenzy they have lost their mojo, their creative process…just wanting to take a step back and ramp down for a while….Well, as you know we both are having issues with your hosting services…as of today (the 14th) my blog is still down…So I am taking this situation as not being frustrating, but “taking a vacation” …. I do not comment here much…but follow your amazing projects and decor. I look forward to your story about your closet…I live in a home that is somewhat large but I have a teeny closet…go figure…
I wish you this time of and relaxation and all of your energies put into what makes you happy…for as life is too short and we should do the things that truly make us happy…and must say that you bring much happiness to many people…so it is your turn!
Shannon Fox says
Thank you sweetheart. It had not been easy and hurdles, like our blogs being down make it harder, for sure!!!!
XOXO I think I am going to take your advice and just deal with it when I get back.
I want to be happy and with my family before I leave, not dealing with this.
I feel the same, I follow you on social media and keep in tough 🙂 Hugs!! xo
Frances says
I know depression too. Thank you for sharing your story. It is so hard to talk about. You are in my thoughts.
Shannon Fox says
I’m so sorry, I know it’s not fun, but we must fight on!!
Take care now, Shannon
Karin Chudy (ART IS BEAUTY) says
Girl, You know you can always vent to me. It sucks…but we manage. Its what we do. But you are right..talking about it sometimes takes away its energy..Like pulling the oxygen away from a fire. 🙂
I hope you have a relaxing time if you ever get to Cali. 🙂
Hang in there and soon you will be on the flip side of it.
Hugs,
Karin
Shannon Fox says
Unfortunately my flight was delayed multiple time then cancelled.
My blog is down so I’ve been dealing with hat. Will try to go to CA again on Sunday.
Wish me luck.
Love you & HUGS my friend!! xo Shannon
melinda labombard says
Keep your chin up!!! You are not alone,I for one go thru bouts of depression too,thanks for being real~~Have a good break,and see you again soon:)
Cindy says
Just found your blog a few days ago and quickly put it on my favorites bar. Why? For the very reason you did not erase this post when you wanted to. It is your honest/quirky/sweet voice that comes shining through in these posts and something I’m looking forward to following for months to come. My favorite line in this post was the “If I had the flu….” sentence. So true, girl! So true!! Safe travels on your trip and I’ll be looking forward to when you get back <3
Shannon Fox says
Please excuse my tardy response.
A few snafus with the blog prevented me from answering back.
I saw your comment and it made me smile 🙂
I’m going to take my own advice and step=away while my blog (and many others) are experiencing technical difficulties.
Donna T. says
You are not alone sister… ♡
Take your time and heal … nourish you soul with the love & compassion from your friends.
“Just Breathe”. ..sounds like such a cliche. . But.. sometimes. . That’s all that is required. . And all you can do….just know it will get better… have patience with yourself. ..you’ll come out of this funk..stronger and even brighter☆..
fondly your following friend,
Donna T.
Shannon Fox says
Thank you so very, very much!!!!
In the words or Arnold. I’ll be back 😉
Rosemary. says
I’m sending you a giant bear hug, (even though I don’t know you, but I feel like I do, if you know what I mean) and lots of good wishes. My husband and my daughter both suffer from depression (although thankfully my daughter is hopefully better now) and it’s one of the most difficult things to deal with. I know that you will be better and happier because of the person that you are.
Hang in there.
Love,
Rosemary.
Shannon Fox says
Thank you soooo very much for your kindness and the bear hug!! :)))))
Lindabug says
Shannon, your post and the many empathetic comments make me think of Tennessee Williams’ Stella who ‘depends on the kindness of strangers.’ So many of us out there gaining strength from you bravery in posting theses raw feelings and trying to know the right words to use to support you, and receiving strength from the honest sharing going both directions. Thank you and everyone for reminding us that kindness can help so much, and your reminded her to be kind to ourselves.
I am disturbing my husband’s deep sleep as I struggle with sleep problems myself, so although I am usually a stickler for spelling and grammar issues, I a cannot even read this tiny print, so please excuse any sloppiness in this post. Good night all and I pray for sunshine in our lives as we move on regardless of our speed. God bleed.
Shannon Fox says
Oh not sleeping is so bad too. Thank you for spending your time talking to me 🙂
I wish you a blissful nights sleep!! xo Shannon