That Damn Depression Thing
If you are looking for decorating or DIY projects please check [here] for DIY & [here] for decorating inspiration. Today’s post is personal in nature, I thank you for stopping by 🙂
I’ve never been anything but honest with you all and right now, I am in a bit of a funk. Which is my sugar-coated way of saying I’m having a really sucky bout of depression? It’s hard to describe. I’ve got so many wonderful project ideas swirling in my head and great things to be excited about in 2016… but I feel extremely un-focused. And very overwhelmed. And when that happens I pretty much freeze. I kind of withdraw and I have a hard time focusing on work.
Often when I feel this way I pull back and I tend to clean and organize. It calms me and I think I get centered and feel more in control. It’s like I need to re-set and get everything in order before I can snap back.
I know me. And I’m wrestling with guilt that I have a vacation to see my family scheduled and I don’t feel ready for it. This very second I’m considering deleting this… because what value does my telling you I’m struggling right now have to someone coming here looking for decor ideas and DIY projects?
It doesn’t. It has zero.
But it does let you peek inside to see that while most of the time, I am joyful, thankful, full of ideas, smiles, practicing grace… very centered and content… sometimes I am not. Mostly, I keep my depression/anxiety… or whatever you want to label it, in check, but right this minute, it’s not. It’s moved into my head and it’s having a little party. And I’m irritated and angry that it’s rolling over me right now. It’s muddying my ability to focus and to be productive. I hate that I have to claw through it and feel low self-worth because I’m not “on top of everything” or just rocking life in general! When it’s like this, I have to fight to stay out of bed and push through my day. Because I have so much of myself wrapped up in this blog, my baby, I feel immense guilt that instead of having some great new projects to post and share with you while I’m on vacation, I’ve only managed to take care of my daily workload. Simply completing tasks and trying to stay focused is really difficult because I feel like I’m trying to work underwater. What should have taken me 2 days to take down my Christmas decorations and clean my house, took 3.
I must add, please don’t worry, I’m no harm to myself!! I promise 🙂 I’ve been dealing with this for far to long to let it go there, and I know it will pass. If nothing else, I am a fighter! But while I’m in it, it’s so tiring. Exhausting really. I guess I could have put together some meaningless post with a round-up of this or that… and you’d have been none the wiser. But I can’t. I simply can not. And I’m not a destination blog… or a lifestyle blog and I’ve never presented myself that way! I don’t share how to do everything under the sun, and I’ve never tried to be all things to all people. I’m just me. A girl who started a blog to share. And (over) share I do.
When I first felt compelled to share my story [here], I touched on how strongly I feel talking/venting helps. And I firmly believe it does. So after crying while writing this, which yes, is ridiculous… but there is definitely a release and I feel… better. Enough so that again, I think I should delete this. I won’t though because as much as I want to protect myself (and any perception/persona/reputation???) I think as with my first time sharing, it’s important to address that this is a real struggle. And everyday people battle this. Some daily.
Right now, I will ride this out, let it run it’s course… and be kind to myself. This episode will fade. I will go see my family, try not to stress, worry and beat myself up. By sharing this, I am trying to give myself permission to do my best, get through the days and know that everything will be okay. If I had a terrible cold or flu and couldn’t work for a week or so, I might be frustrated I was down, but I wouldn’t feel such guilt. I need to do the same thing in this situation. It’s really not all that different. It’s not like I invited depression to my party.
When I get home, my plan is to jump right into my next project. I look forward to sharing them all with you as I mark them off my list!
I am so thankful for you all and want to thank you for reading all that too… I truly consider so many of your friends and I know you are all women (and maybe a few men) much like me. I’ve got lots of girlfriends to chat with and vent too, but I just feel like I need to be honest with you all, and I wanted you to know I’ll be back, but I’m taking a little break right now. I know we all have unique challenges and I know life is not always easy. But it’s always worth living. xo Shannon
PS: I know many of you expressed interest in my closet when I shared it organized and refreshed [click here] and I promise to share how we pretty much created it out of thin air very soon! It’s one of the first projects I will be sharing upon my return.
linda says
Heavenly Father I pray for Shannon right now, I pray you reveal yourself in a mighty way. Lord take this depression and anxious feeling she is going through away. Lord I pray when she has her family vacation time, she will feel your love in a powerful way, give her strength, comfort and Joy. May 2016 be a year of inspiration for her and a year each step she makes brings Joy and a Song to her heart. In Jesus Name Amen
Shannon Fox says
THANK YOU!!!!!
Mary says
My best to you, for this my friend shall and will pass. I will lift you up in prayer to our Heavenly Father. I myself struggle with winter blah’s, I know yours is a every day struggle, so for that I say God bless and keep you.
Shannon Fox says
Thank you so very much Mary, blessings to you as well.
Debra says
I know how you feel…….I have come to realize that these bouts of down are a signal that I need to step back, take a deep breath, and assess. I usually find these depression bouts coincide with having too much on my plate and putting myself under too much pressure. Something has to give, even if only temporarily. What is really important to you, what can wait, what can you cancel?? Assess and reevaluate, drop the noise and focus on the important, starting with yourself. I find this hard, but make myself do it and I always feel better for it. Don’t feel guilty, allow yourself the time. Its okay to have a bad day or two.
Shannon Fox says
All those things definitely do not help. I hear you! I hope you are feeling well today.
Please excuse my tardy response.
A few snafus with the blog prevented me from answering back.
I’m going to take my own advice and step away while my blog (and many others) are experiencing technical difficulties.
I’ll be back in February when I return from seeing family.
Thank you!!
Trish says
Dear Shannon, Thank you for your honesty and for allowing us to see the inner most personal battle that you are suffering at the moment. I also suffer depression at times; even times when all is good and perfect in my life, the cloud still shows up with its tremendous shadow. I tell my wonderful, understanding husband that I am in a bad place and he gives me space. In a few days I am back to my happy go lucky self. I cannot imagine the turmoil of chronic depression and never seeing the “good” days. Know that you are not alone. Have a good time with family on your vacation. Sometimes the events most dreaded and we feel most unprepared for are the events that bring us the most surprising happiness and memories. Go for it, feet first! Trish
Shannon Fox says
Sounds like you have a wonderful husband. I am lucky to have the same.
And it has nothing to do with a perfect life, I’m so glad you understand that.
My life is mostly so very happy and good. I’m blessed and lucky beyond measure.
Thank you ~ Shannnon
Charli says
Amen Sister!
People need to be more open about it!
I have dealt with being a different person from November to March the last 9 years. Vitamin D and anti- depressant, oh and a sun lamp are the way to live!
Thank God, I have a husband who has learned to deal. What a blessing!
Will add you to my prayer list!
Shannon Fox says
YES! Thank God for wonderful husbands. You said it.
Blessings!! Shannon
PS: Please excuse my tardy response.
A few snafus with the blog prevented me from answering back.
Alyse says
First time visiting this website….I am so glad!!!!! I love your honesty! Having depression myself…it
kinda stinks….so websites like yours always fills my mind with wonderful thoughts! Yes….this inspires
me! Thank you!
Shannon Fox says
I hope you are having a wonderful, amazing, HAPPY day 🙂
Debbie says
Relax and know you are normal. We all have that after the holiday let down. Be blessed, relax, and know you are not alone. Rejuvenate and all will be well.
Kathy says
Totally understand , traveling to see your mother and sister will definitely bring some warmth to your soul .
Shannon Fox says
Thank you Kathy ~ Have a wonderful weekend 🙂
Jennifer Wiley says
Wow…Love to hear how you are feeling! When I look at your blog etc. seems like the perfect life but we never really know behind the scenes. I also have had a melt down these last few weeks feeling some what the same way…Finance is part of it …but alot of other things…no one really knows and you want to be strong and not let your close ones know because then they see another side of you and think you are weak and I feel they dont admire you as much. But I doubt that is true but admire that you shared your thoughts and want to let you know I feel I am in your boat and your not alone! Lets stay strong for 2016!!!
Shannon Fox says
Hi Jennifer, I am so very blessed and thankful for my life. I am indeed lucky!
Such a bummer that this has nothing to do with that. It’s an illness of sorts like any else, but different.
I know the signs and that in itself is helpful 🙂
It will pass.
I hope you are feeling better very soon!! Wishing you a fantastic 2016!!
Eileen says
There was a commercial in the 60s or 70s where a woman was doing everything in her heels and business clothes and the voiceover was a song that “she can do it all and cook up dinner”. We women tend to buy into that. It’s very difficult to do it all. Don’t. Take care of you first, which is difficult, especially with family. Ask for help……insist on it. Also, this is the time of year thats cocooning time. Hibernate, cut back extra stuff. Do for you!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
I want to be a bear. haha
Hibernating sounds doooo good 😉
I remember that commercial it was for Enjoli perfume!
https://youtu.be/_UIktO4Pnlw
erika says
Best wishes, Shannon. I’m glad to see that you’re gonna take some time for yourself.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you so much!
mlund says
It’s called SAD, for Seasonal (something) Depression. It is very common in the winter. It has to do with not enough light. I’m in CA, but I still get it each winter, because there is just not strong or enough light. A few years ago I bought a “blue” light, expensive but very worthwhile. I think it was about 4 times as much $ as a regular light bulb. I put it into the lamp by my bed and it turn it on first and last thing each day. It helps a lot. Also I take a vitamin B complex supplement each day. Without it, I cry at the slightest thing in the winter. Just not enough sun!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you for sharing that information with me! I’ll look into that.
Unfortunately, Mine is year round. haha. but it might not hurt 😉
I’m so glad you found something that is working for you though!!
Fran W says
Thank you for being so honest which helps others going through similar thoughts and feelings. Hope this passes soon for you.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you Fran.
Happy New Year 🙂
Jen Aginian says
Thank you Shannon. Publishing this entry is very brave. These overwhelming feelings are so much more prevalent than anyone wants to admit (even to themselves),. I’m going through a bumpy patch right now too. I’m not nearly as compassionate with myself, as with others who are suffering, but I’m working on that…I don’t know if you realize how many other people out there, will feel SO much less alone by your honesty & sharing. Wishing you peace & rest.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Sadly we are not alone in this.
I think the frantic pace of today and the need to be good at everything does not help.
I hope your path smooths out soon!!
Shannon
Janice says
Dear Shannon–I love your honest transparency! You have a way of expressing the raw emotion of what you’re going through in a clear way that makes your struggle easy to identify with!
I, too, have had bad bouts of depression and the symptom of wanting to crawl back in bed is my main red flag! Thankfully, I’ve not had as serious of bouts for many years (including during menopause) and I attribute that to the grace of God’s willingness to hear my pleas for help in turning off the lies and oppression of a common enemy to those who have trusted Jesus for a salvation we realize we cannot achieve ourselves!
My main trigger is fatigue and stress I cannot control as I, too, am a perfectionist on many levels–one who on the inside screams for order but in no way comes close to achieving it in my real world! I have also struggled with low worth and yet I, also enjoy a busy and creative mind–never at a loss of ideas or loss of things to do for creative fun! But, sometimes, I think, the busyness is an attempt to avoid the encounter of depression (the enemy) that lurks at the edge of our lives, looking for our times of vulnerability!
For me, I read the Psalms and cry out as David did, “return to me the joy of my salvation” and I ask God to “restore my soul”! I have learned to value myself based on the fact that He knows me inside and out like no other, and yet He has chosen to treasure me as His very own child!
I pray that it will not be long before you square off with the enemy of our souls and declare to him that Jesus has done it all and therefor he has no power that cannot be overcome by Our loving Father, the very One who has declared that in Him we are free indeed and that there is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus!
I do not mean to simplify anyone’s struggle with depression! I’m just trying to relay what, in my case, has been the most effective thing for me to do, which is to go to the One I trust the most and who knows me the best for the help I desperately have needed! I also want to be clear that in some cases our healing comes through His hands directing us to appropriate medical attention, as well!
Praying for you!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you so much for your insights!!
Bless you 🙂