That Damn Depression Thing
If you are looking for decorating or DIY projects please check [here] for DIY & [here] for decorating inspiration. Today’s post is personal in nature, I thank you for stopping by 🙂
I’ve never been anything but honest with you all and right now, I am in a bit of a funk. Which is my sugar-coated way of saying I’m having a really sucky bout of depression? It’s hard to describe. I’ve got so many wonderful project ideas swirling in my head and great things to be excited about in 2016… but I feel extremely un-focused. And very overwhelmed. And when that happens I pretty much freeze. I kind of withdraw and I have a hard time focusing on work.
Often when I feel this way I pull back and I tend to clean and organize. It calms me and I think I get centered and feel more in control. It’s like I need to re-set and get everything in order before I can snap back.
I know me. And I’m wrestling with guilt that I have a vacation to see my family scheduled and I don’t feel ready for it. This very second I’m considering deleting this… because what value does my telling you I’m struggling right now have to someone coming here looking for decor ideas and DIY projects?
It doesn’t. It has zero.
But it does let you peek inside to see that while most of the time, I am joyful, thankful, full of ideas, smiles, practicing grace… very centered and content… sometimes I am not. Mostly, I keep my depression/anxiety… or whatever you want to label it, in check, but right this minute, it’s not. It’s moved into my head and it’s having a little party. And I’m irritated and angry that it’s rolling over me right now. It’s muddying my ability to focus and to be productive. I hate that I have to claw through it and feel low self-worth because I’m not “on top of everything” or just rocking life in general! When it’s like this, I have to fight to stay out of bed and push through my day. Because I have so much of myself wrapped up in this blog, my baby, I feel immense guilt that instead of having some great new projects to post and share with you while I’m on vacation, I’ve only managed to take care of my daily workload. Simply completing tasks and trying to stay focused is really difficult because I feel like I’m trying to work underwater. What should have taken me 2 days to take down my Christmas decorations and clean my house, took 3.
I must add, please don’t worry, I’m no harm to myself!! I promise 🙂 I’ve been dealing with this for far to long to let it go there, and I know it will pass. If nothing else, I am a fighter! But while I’m in it, it’s so tiring. Exhausting really. I guess I could have put together some meaningless post with a round-up of this or that… and you’d have been none the wiser. But I can’t. I simply can not. And I’m not a destination blog… or a lifestyle blog and I’ve never presented myself that way! I don’t share how to do everything under the sun, and I’ve never tried to be all things to all people. I’m just me. A girl who started a blog to share. And (over) share I do.
When I first felt compelled to share my story [here], I touched on how strongly I feel talking/venting helps. And I firmly believe it does. So after crying while writing this, which yes, is ridiculous… but there is definitely a release and I feel… better. Enough so that again, I think I should delete this. I won’t though because as much as I want to protect myself (and any perception/persona/reputation???) I think as with my first time sharing, it’s important to address that this is a real struggle. And everyday people battle this. Some daily.
Right now, I will ride this out, let it run it’s course… and be kind to myself. This episode will fade. I will go see my family, try not to stress, worry and beat myself up. By sharing this, I am trying to give myself permission to do my best, get through the days and know that everything will be okay. If I had a terrible cold or flu and couldn’t work for a week or so, I might be frustrated I was down, but I wouldn’t feel such guilt. I need to do the same thing in this situation. It’s really not all that different. It’s not like I invited depression to my party.
When I get home, my plan is to jump right into my next project. I look forward to sharing them all with you as I mark them off my list!
I am so thankful for you all and want to thank you for reading all that too… I truly consider so many of your friends and I know you are all women (and maybe a few men) much like me. I’ve got lots of girlfriends to chat with and vent too, but I just feel like I need to be honest with you all, and I wanted you to know I’ll be back, but I’m taking a little break right now. I know we all have unique challenges and I know life is not always easy. But it’s always worth living. xo Shannon
PS: I know many of you expressed interest in my closet when I shared it organized and refreshed [click here] and I promise to share how we pretty much created it out of thin air very soon! It’s one of the first projects I will be sharing upon my return.
Larissa Stretton says
Shannon,
Thank you for your bravery in sharing something so personal. You really are keeping it real, and I am sure you have helped many who feel badly that they too suffer from depression, ( I do too), it was both saddening and comforting to know that someone else feels like imdo from time-to-time, usually positive and upbeat, but sometimes blue and leadened.
Here’s hoping that you’ll soon be back to yourself and that your trip to family goes smoothly and better than you expect. In the meantime, I think your advice to yourself is wise, please heed it.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
I know, I wish there were not so many people who understand.
Thank you so much. Me too. I’m over it and ready for the upswing 🙂
Margaret Elkins says
My mild depression is SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. I think we are meant to slow down and be reflective during the cold, dark months. Unfortunately, our world says otherwise. Take care of yourself and wishing you brighter days ahead.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you SO much and the same to you 🙂
Ruth Robbins says
Have you thought about getting on a serotonin med of some kind? If you are not into synthetic meds you might consider some good niacin and D3. Women sometimes lose some of that mental resiliency as we get older, so there are ways to get beyond this by encouraging our bodies to produce their own natural ‘feel’ good’ hormones. I went through this last winter and it was the first time I’d ever gone through it, I feel for you! Consider the D3.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
It’s lifelong for me, and I will get through it!
Thank you :)))
Kirby says
So sorry you are feeling funky, my friend. We both know this too, shall pass. I am sending you all the good.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank Kirby!!!
Vicki says
Thanks for sharing. Understand as i too suffer depression and most of the time i am great… be kind to yourself… love your blog… X
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Yep, I’d say 90% of the time I’m fine too 🙂
Darn 10%… lol
Nancy Sager says
Shannon, my husband of 51 years, passed away a year ago. I really had never experienced what you are going through. But, this year I have been reflecting on how awesome we were as a team. Now, I have started my new Chapter! I believe you are doing this right. Be open, talk about it so you can move ahead! I start each day with gratitude – one thing I am thankful for. It really helps to put my world in perspective. Prayers for you,
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Nancy I am so sorry for your loss.
I bet you were a rocking team.
I think keeping my feet planted in world where I am grateful & thankful does help.
Wishing you a wonderful new chapter and a shining 2016!!!!
Cynthia Schwenk says
Very brave of you for sharing this! I too suffer from depression and after surviving kidney cancer and having complications that have resulted in permanent nerve and tissue damage – the depression hits me like a brick wall, especially in the winter. I hate myself for giving in to it’s darkness and it is a long battle to climb out of. I think there will be a lot of your followers who will be able to relate to your post! God bless and wishing better days filled with sunshine for you!
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
I totally get that!! After cancer I’ve got severe lymphodema in my feet, ankles and legs. I have neuropathy but it has dulled over time.
Have you participated in cancer support counseling? I went to a group meeting many years ago and that helped.
I hope you dark days are fewer and farther in between!!
Maggie M says
I know exactly how you are feeling..and, it will pass. It is very common to experience depression following the holidays. I take Paxil for my depression and it really helps me. Maybe there’s a medication, or even St Johns Wort, you could take to help you through this tough time? I wish you only the best and plan on sticking with you, post, no post or whatever:) Hugs.
Debbiee says
Hi Shannon, I rarely ever comment on blog posts, but this one is something I can relate to whole hardly. Recognizing the thoughts and feelings and having the courage to share them is definately a great thing. Too many of us get truly burnt out with all the expectations we put on ourselves. Just us no one else. I too have had anxiety from a very young age, and suffered as well from post pardon depression, that has plagued me most of my life. Take that well deserved break, go on that vacation, and try to find all the blessing the good lord has given each and everyone of us along the way. Just so you know there are so many of us that enjoy your blog.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you Debbie for your well wishes. I’m sorry there are so many of us that can relate to this topic! Trying to do all the things I know help and listen to all this great advice 🙂 Blessings to you in 2016 and always, Shannon
Judy Schlotman says
Hugs Shannon, you are not alone. Have dealt with this off and on most of my life. Have a wonderful visit with your family and we will be here when you get back.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you Judy 🙂
Beth says
I suffer the same. And like you I shut down when I feel overwhelmed. I think you might be focusing on too many things at once. Try focusing on your visit with family. The rest will wait for you. And you’ll tackle it refreshed.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Hi Beth – I do. You said it. I want to be 100% at everything and that is impossible. I’m trying to learn to be okay with doing my best with the tools and time I have available, and having that be good enough. My brain likes to argue though. haha. I am trying to run everything off. Knowing I can start fresh when I get back. Have a blessed 2016 and be kind to yourself!
Janie Laviolette says
Take care of yourself. It’s ok
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
Thank you Janine 🙂
Susan says
Shannon,
I’m so glad you didn’t delete this blog post. It has helped me to validate my own depression. Despite dealing with it for the last 25 or so years through therapists and medications, I still deal with the symptoms and guilt and totally understand everything you’ve shared. People who haven’t experienced depression have no idea how devastating it can be. The people who say to me. “but look at all you have, you should be so happy”. They just don’t have a clue. My heart really aches for you because I know just what you are feeling. That hopeless, helpless feeling, almost like you’re drowning. Please know that there are people our there that are thinking of you (me for one) that understand, and are wishing you well. You are in my thoughts. XO
Donna Marie says
I understand…
Debbie Budach says
Depression does suck! I speak from experience and am dealing with a rough patch myself right now. I will say a prayer for you that you find a glimmer of light through this tough time.
Shannon at Fox Hollow Cottage says
And I for you!!
Hang in there.
I know we will be full of joy again soon!!